"Double Ketchup" 2006-Ralph GoingsI've been on this kick that I'm not going to care or at least invest a lot of emotion into school and more broadly my everyday choices. At first this was enlightening, and this feeling has lasted for about a year. Amist this year I have been very relaxed and open to new experiences and lessons, but starting about a month ago I have experienced some serious concern as to where my life is taking me, or rather where I am taking me.
Then today, I got my Statistics grade and inside me there was resounding SNAP! that I could not ignore. Now if you are my sister or family member that is starting to feel dissappointed, don't, the grade is a B+ and it's only the beginning of the semester. However the cause of the less than desired grade was the day I woke up at 8:00am, the time my class begins, and said to myself "Looks like life doesn't want you to go to class, and you can live with that." This is the kind of thinking I have been practicing the past year, but that snap was the break in a dam built on the river of my character. Rushing waters that screamed "It was that one class that dropped my grade from a solid A to a B+!!! ARGH!!!!" flooded into my being and crashed onto my heart sinking it down into the once still, calm lake that is my gut.
It is only appropriate that yesterday my wonderful dialogue professor, Reinhold Dooley, was responding to a statement I made about wanting to have all the answers but somehow knowing that I can't. He explained that when he was my age every year of his life he would think we was a really smart guy and come the next year we would look back and say to himself "Man, what an ass I've been." Internally during his story I was responding with "Meee tooo!"
It all goes to show that when you think you have it all together, think again. However, I do wish to take the moments that I've felt I learned something great and work against my human nature to remember them. I suppose I just keep getting dunked back into the present, into the moment I ought to be living in, into the place where I can understand what it means to live, and for that I am eternally greatful.
you know there are Universities out there, prestigious ones like Sarah Lawrence, that don't have a grading system (A through F, GPA etc).
ReplyDeleteBecause Guess what...unless you're applying for Grad school , grades don't fucking matter. And you shouldn't let your hang up about grades get in the way of your learning.
Although applying yourself is important, just don't worry about missing one dumb class, you probably needed the sleep more than the A in the long run....seriously.
I think the more you get older, the more nieve you wish you were.