Porcupine

Sometimes I feel like my expectations of people must be too high. Then I consider what an arrogant statement that is, and I retreat for a while in order to come to terms with the realization that it was me all along who wasn't meeting the bar.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_qhdPflUb8

Games

G'day reader,

It's been too long. I'm largely writing this blog to get my gears working before embarking on a paper for school. This is also a good way to procrastinate. Killing two birds with one stone.

Now on to the matter in my life today: Games. I have had a rollercoaster of a year relationship wise, and my goal through it all was to stay completely honest to myself and to the other person involved. So far so good, that is until I got sick of dating and just wanted to be in something long term. Oh how the cold weather makes you wish for someone to lie next to.

(Word of advice, if you are in a relationship and are considering ending it, wait at least until spring. It will be much easier to cope with the loneliness when you're not freezing. But if he/she is hitting you ignore all of that and get out! And then send your ex-lover my way because I could use some sense smacked into me after what you're about to read.)

This shift from confident and easy-going to lonely and desperate that flooded in with the change in seasons had me resorting to mind games. This was sort of my final desperate attempt with someone I care about to see if I could manipulate him into wanting me (again). Now, the fact that I am writing this blog I hope indicates to you, dear reader, that I 1.) realize the error of my ways and 2.) am only reasonably crazy. The tactic I applied was to make him think, after he apologized to me for nearly cancelling our long await plans, that I had better things to do anyway. I know, I know, that was not an especially clever move and really just kind of bitchy, but I wanted to be bold and see where it got me. Needless to say, I got owned at my own game. Maybe I'm out of practice, or possibly I had already established a tone of honesty for our relationship which would explain why he was able to call me out saying, "We're not playing some sort of game, are we?" That question had me anxiously denying all such accusations. I immediately resorted back to my honest tendancies, breathing a sigh of relief that I didn't get myself in any deeper.

The moral is obvious: When you're me, honesty is the best policy. That, or get better at your game, but I like to stick with the former. Had I been honest in that moment I would have been able to tell myself that lonliness is temporary and all based on one's perspective. Also that it is better to examine conflict from a birds eye view before taking anything personally, as to avoid emotional flare ups. Both of those contribute to the larger issue: Stop trying force relationships. It's a worthless past time, and completely counter-productive.

Certainly, there is a reason the moral typically comes after the story, but that being said I need to work on my foreshadowing skills. All in time to write a paper.

Thanks for reading.